50 Ways To Blow It As a Husband and/or Father

By Chad

I’ve been a husband for seven short years and a father for almost three. In this short span of time, I’ve figured out some great ways to “blow it” as a husband and father! Some of the items on the below list I’ve done on my own, others I’ve seen a large number of men do pretty consistently.  To join the masses of men in America and around the world, be sure to work your way through this list of 50 Ways to Blow It As a Husband and/or Father:

1. Achieve success at work this week and drop the ball at home.
2. Don’t ever think about what you could do to be a better husband or dad.
3. Buy things that your family doesn’t really need, then work a lot more to make up for it.
4. Go into debt.
5. Stay in debt and don’t try to get out or believe you can get out.
6. Don’t ever figure out your personal values in life and how these may affect how you lead your family.
7. Hold on to your past forever and let it negatively affect your relationships with your family.
8. Don’t develop healthy relationships with other men who can encourage you and support you.
9. Be a loner.
10. Blame society for your shortcomings and don’t take personal responsibility.
11. Lead your family into the same patterns of blaming society.
12. Justify everything you are doing that you know is holding you back in life.
13. Don’t take your family to church. Choose instead to not focus on spiritual priorities.
14. Talk badly about people in front of your family and teach them to do the same.
15. Say certain things to your family often, then don’t ever back them up with your actions.
16. Raise your voice all the time. This will get you a ton of respect!
17. Don’t listen.
18. Don’t engage.
19. Don’t ask questions.
20. Don’t go on dates with your wife.
21. Don’t take care of your body.
22. Don’t save any money. Live way beyond your means instead.
23. Don’t create any memories with your family, just space out when you get home.
24. Don’t seek out help when you know you need it.
25. Check out women other than your wife. Try to do this everyday.
26. Put your kids’ needs before the needs of your spouse, this will ensure that your marriage eventually suffers.
27. Try not to contribute to your community in any way. Make life all about you instead.
28. Don’t take care of your finances.
29. Don’t pray with your kids.
30. Leave spiritual leadership up to your spouse.
31. Leave spiritual leadership up to your church.
32. Blame your church for everything and don’t take responsibility as a husband or father.
33. Care more about 20 yr olds playing with a ball (sports) than about your 2 yr old at home.
34. Don’t ever encourage. Complain instead about everything.
35. Don’t talk to your spouse about the health of your marraige.
36. Drink a ton of alcohol, and drink it often. This will make your problems and stress go away.
37. Disrespect your wife in public, this will really help her grow in confidence.
38. Have an affair with Facebook or Twitter. Here are 27 Signs this is you.
39. Have an emotional affair with another woman at work.
40. Have a physical affair with another woman or a man.
41. Look at porn or anything that arouses you.
42. Work all the time and come home and give nothing to your family.
43. Don’t read to your little kids.
44. Don’t talk to your older kids.
45. Love business more than anything in life.
46. Don’t read or do anything to grow personally or spiritually.
47. Don’t ever help your wife around the house.
48. Don’t ever pick up after yourself, treat your spouse instead like your mother or maid.
49. Don’t dream with your spouse.
50. Don’t forgive yourself for not being perfect. Carry this weight with you always. Don’t let God heal you and change you.

Like me, chances are you’ve already blown it. You read this list and realize you are pretty good at many of the things on it.  Listen….Don’t give up!  We all have fallen short of who we are supposed to be! Here are a few practical steps you can take this week to make a change:

1. Ask for forgiveness- from God, from your spouse, your kids if you have them. Then forgive yourself!
2. Go through this list and find 5-10 ways you can improve this week as a husband and/or father.
3. Take the 5-10 items from above and write down the opposite (Don’t ever help around the house becomes, help out around the house every day).
4. For each item, write out 1-2 actions steps you can take to make a change (“I will start making the bed every day, helping with the dishes every night”).
5. Then, tell someone what you are doing and ask them to hold you accountable (“Billy Bob, here is my list of 5 things I’m doing this week to grow as a husband/father, will you ask me in a week if I followed through?”).
6. Set a time to check back with them in a week to see how things are going. (“Can we visit for 10 minutes Thursday night at 8pm,” or “Will you text me Friday to ask me how I’m doing?”)

http://thewayitcouldbe.com/?p=871

We are living in the age of outsourcing. We pay someone to change our oil, cook our food, care for our yard, clean our clothes and anything else we don’t want to do. And of course we’ve all read the news reports of companies outsourcing business needs to countries around the world.

It’s been years since I got under my car to change the oil.

My family eats out 20-25 of our 90 meals each month.

A company comes by my house monthly to put fertilizer and weed killer on my yard.

IS IT POSSIBLE WE ARE OUTSOURCING OUR FAITH?

We live in an extremely consumer-driven culture that tells us that the customer is number one. The customer is always right.  I can have it my way.  I deserve the best.    This consumerism has crept into the church and turned church members into customers.  The church exists to serve me and my family.  

To meet my needs.  To “feed” me spiritually.  To provide relationships.  To … entertain me (gulp).

How many people put their money into an offering plate with the thought that “I have done my part, now it’s up to the church staff (professional Christians) to take care of the rest.”  I “pay” them to tell me what the Bible means, to organize programs for my kids, to run evangelism and outreach projects to reach non-believers … to ______________ fill in the blank with whatever product or service we think the church should provide.

Here are five reasons a business outsources and how we might be doing the same with our faith …

1. Cost Savings
It’s costs me time and energy to study the Bible, serve others and be a disciple. If the pastor will do the heavy lifting, then I can save some of this time and energy for other things I enjoy doing.

2. Focus on Core Business
The pastor’s core thing is ministry.  Mine is work and caring for my family.  It will work best if we both stick to our core business.

3. Improve Quality
I am not really qualified to do ministry.  I haven’t been to seminary or Bible college and my knowledge of the Bible isn’t great.  I should leave real ministry to the professionals.

4. Risk Management
Ministry is messy.  To really get engaged in ministry could lead to rejection, heartache and additional work to my already busy life.  I’d rather not risk it.

5. Tax Benefit
The most measurable way for me to minister is to give money.  It’s trackable and the more I give, the more I can claim as a deductible to the IRS.

HOW DID WE GET HERE?

I feel for church leaders across the country.  Culturally, much of our population is caught up in consumerism … so the tidal wave we’re fighting is huge.

Adding to that, I believe the predominant culture among churches over the past 20 years has driven towards church growth as the most prized statistic.  As churches get bigger, programs get bigger and more staff is required. Once you have a person on staff, it’s good stewardship to make sure that they are productive.  So more and more responsibility is laid on their shoulders.  Before long, the church leader feels the pressure to “do it all” which essentially robs church members of their responsibility and opportunity to minister.  Tragically, church programs can become more about feeding overfed people rather than equipping and launching people back into the world prepared to represent Christ in all we do.

So it’s a bit of the chicken and egg scenario.  Did the church members drive church leaders to be more consumer focused?  Or did church leaders create an environment where church members would feel comfortable outsourcing their faith to the professional Christians?  Ultimately the source of the problem doesn’t matter.  The question is how to turn things around?

HOW DO YOU AND I TURN THINGS AROUND?

There are no easy or quick solutions, but here are a few things I am encouraged by:

1. The recent economic plight of our country is helping people to evaluate their “consumer-driven” lifestyle.  I believe God can use those circumstances to wake people up.  We are reminded that our faith is about giving and serving … not taking and consuming.

2. There seems to be a lot of discussion among church leaders about the effectiveness of their programs.  It’s encouraging hear so many leaders who are willing to look at sacred cow-type programs and ask hard questions. How many of our programs are effectively equipping  people to live out their faith in the natural flow of life?  How are we encouraging people to be salt and light at work, at school, in the PTA meeting, in the Board room?  Shouldn’t we try to measure our programs by the impact we have beyond the walls of the church?

3. I think the “celebrity” voices in the church are really leading the charge towards a more outward-focused future.  Matt Chandler, Francis Chan, Erwin McManus, Ed Stetzer, Andy Stanley, Mark Batterson, Rick and Kay Warren and many other Christian leaders are preaching and teaching a very Biblical and mission-centric message.  By the way, I hate even using the word “celebrity” but unfortunately — part of our consumer culture says that it takes a “celebrity” to sell me a car, pair of shoes or even bring attention to a Biblical message.

I am hopeful.  Like so many things … leadership is the key.  We can help people trade in the pursuit of the American Dream (where the focus is on me) for a world that desperately needs Christ (where the focus is on Christ and others).

YOUR THOUGHTS …

• Why do you think people are outsourcing their faith?
• What is holding people back from feeling confident enough to minister beyond the walls of the church?
• What gives you hope that this ship could be turning?



Why Require Unregenerate Children to Act Like They’re Good?

If mere external conformity to God’s commands (like don’t lie, don’t steal, don’t kill) is hypocritical and spiritually defective, then why should parents require obedience from their unregenerate children?

Won’t this simply confirm them in unspiritual religious conformity, hypocritical patterns of life, and legalistic moralism?

Here are at least three reasons why Christian parents should require their small children (regenerate or unregenerate) to behave in ways that conform externally to God’s revealed will.

I say “small children” because as a child gets older, there are certain external conformities to God’s revealed will that should be required and others that should not. It seems to me, for example, while parents should require drug-free, respectful decency from a 15-year-old, it would do little good to require an unbelieving and indifferent 15-year-old to read his Bible every day. But it would be wise to require that of a 6-year-old, while doing all we can to help him enjoy it and see the benefit in it.

So the following points are reasons why we should require smaller children to behave in ways that conform at least externally to God’s word.

1) For children, external, unspiritual conformity to God’s commanded patterns of behavior is better than external, unspiritual non-conformity to those patterns of behavior.

A respectful and mannerly 5-year-old unbeliever is better for the world than a more authentic defiant, disrespectful, ill-mannered, unbelieving bully. The family, the friendships, the church, and the world in general will be thankful for parents that restrain the egocentric impulses of their children and confirm in them every impulse toward courtesy and kindness and respect.

2) Requiring obedience from children in conformity with God’s will confronts them with the meaning of sin in relation to God, the nature of their own depravity, and their need for inner transformation by the power of grace through the gospel of Christ.

There comes a point where the “law” dawns on the child. That is, he realizes that God (not just his parents) requires a certain way of life from him and that he does not like some of it, and that he cannot do all of it.

At this crisis moment, the good news of Christ’s dying for our sins becomes all important. Will the child settle into a moralistic effort the rest of his life, trying to win the acceptance and love of God? Or will he hear and believe that God’s acceptance and forgiveness and love are free gifts—and receive this God in Christ as the supreme treasure of his life?

The child will have a hard time grasping the meaning of the cross if parents have not required of him behaviors, some of which he dislikes, and none of which he can do perfectly.

Christ lived and died to provide for us the righteousness we need (but cannot perform) and to endure for us the punishment we deserve (but cannot endure). If parents do not require external righteousness and apply measures of punishment, the categories of the cross will be difficult for a child to grasp.

3) The marks of devotion, civility, and manners (“please,” “thank you,” and good eye contact) are habits that, God willing, are filled later with grace and become more helpful ways of blessing others and expressing a humble heart.

No parents have the luxury of teaching their child nothing while they wait for his regeneration. If we are not requiring obedience, we are confirming defiance. If we are not inculcating manners, we are training in boorishness. If we are not developing the disciplines of prayer and Bible-listening, we are solidifying the sense that prayerlessness and Biblelessness are normal.

Inculcated good habits may later become formalistic legalism. Inculcated insolence, rudeness, and irreligion will likely become worldly decadence. But by God’s grace, and saturated with prayer, good habits may be filled with the life of the Spirit by faith. But the patterns of insolence and rudeness and irreligion will be hard to undo.

Caution. Here we are only answering one question: Why should parents require submissive behaviors of children when they may be unregenerate rebels at heart? Of course that is not all Christian parents should do.

• Let there be much spontaneous celebration verbally of every hopeful sign of life and goodness in our children.
• Let us forgive them often and be longsuffering.
• Let us serve them and not use them.
• Let us lavish them with joyful participation in their interests.
• Let us model for them the joy of knowing and submitting to the Lord Jesus.
• Let us apologize often when we fall short of our own Father’s requirements.
• Let us pray for them without ceasing.
• Let us saturate them with the word of God from the moment they are in the womb (the uterus is not sound proof).
• Let us involve them in happy ministry experiences and show them it is more blessed to give than to receive.
• Let them see us sing to the King.
• Let us teach them relentlessly the meaning of the gospel in the hope that God will open their eyes and make them alive. It happens through the gospel (1 Peter 1:22-25).

Still seeking to grow in my role as a father (of our family and our church),

Pastor John



After all this, God tested Abraham.  God said, "Abraham!" "Yes?" answered Abraham. "I'm listening."  Genesis 22:1 (the Message)

Abraham's answer was "Yes, I'm listening,".  He was ready to trust God and obey because of all the stuff that had happened before the "After all this,."  The stuff before "After all this" is where Abraham learned to trust God.  Much of our lives are lived before the "After all this" period where we learn to Trust God.  I pray that one day when I'm in the "After all this" part of my life, that the Lord will still see fit to speak to me because He knows my answer will be "Yes, I'm listening."

I don't know if any of you are like me.  I seem to be able to properly diagnose others need for the Lord rather quickly.  I understand what they need to do to remove the speck in their eye that keeps them from living as I think they should.  Pretty amazing that I can see around the plank in my own eye like that huh.  This morning I was reminded, yet again...(it seems I need a continual reminder) by the words in an old book called "Day by Day" by Vance Havner, of MY need for Him. 

The First “Prospect” – Yourself!

If my people…shall humble themselves…
II Chronicles 7:14

If any man will come after me, let him deny himself.
Matthew 16:24; Mark 8:34; Luke 9:23

The churches of Macedonia…first gave their own selves to the Lord.
II Corinthians 8:1, 5

Dr. Torrey’s first rule for revival was, “Let a few members of any church get thoroughly right with God themselves.” Then they might go after others, but not until then. In their zeal for new members too many churches urge old members into visiting and canvassing “prospects,” when first they need to get right with God themselves. We have no business going out to win others until we have faced our own condition first. Such activity may keep us from first giving ourselves to God. We may become occupied with others and thus dodge our own need. When Christians are right with God they will win others. Our revivals are stressing an “ingathering” of others, when God wants us to humble ourselves, deny ourselves, give ourselves. A drive for “prospects” before we do that is no revival at all.

What God reminded me was that our visits to others and going and doing is good and we should continue with them, but too many times we go in our own power, put on our church face and church tongue, and speak of a loving Savior that we "know" in theory but not in practice. 

When asked what the most important commandment was, Jesus replied with "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind...Love your neighbor as yourself."  This was the centerpiece for all the law and prophets.  What would it be like if a few of us fell head over heels in love with Jesus?  I want to find out!